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Post  QBcrusher on Mon May 27, 2013 5:05 am

She lied to me. I was deceived for quite some time, but I still believe her when she says she never cheated physically. That probably makes me a fool, but I really do think she loves me. She says that she only flirted a little, and that's what she was hiding when she deleted her messages/texts. The masculine side of me wants to beat his face in, but the reasonable side of me pity's him because he was too afraid of me to make a real move. It's kinda pathetic if you think about it. I'll never really know what was going on in his head, but I hope my face haunted his thoughts. I do know that if you are into a chick for months, and are too afraid to go farther than flirting, that is pathetic in my eyes.

What kills me the most is she tried to make me feel like I was paranoid. I have that kind of intuition where I can just sense if something is abnormal, even if there is no apparent signs. Well, I waited till I had real signs to confront her. Turns out, my initial suspicion that made me check her facebook was off, but I was right in the end. Noticed that she ONLY deleted messages with him. That's pretty incriminating. She tried to lie and say she didn't delete them too. Must think I am a moron. Facebook messages don't magically delete themselves.

I eventually got the truth out of her (well at least what I believe to be the truth) after awhile of screaming at the top of our lungs and me punching a dumpster. It is going to be hard for me to believe her at all about anything after this. She was pretty convincing. That scares me.

She also knows now that she can hurt me and I won't leave her. That also scares me.

When I figured it out, I had every intention of breaking it off with her. But I couldn't. I love her too much. Instead I became infuriated. I won't lie, I cried like a bitch. I was hurt. I don't think I have ever been that hurt before.

She is going to have to do some serious ass-kissing to keep me happy.

I really don't even want that much, I just want the truth. I don't think that is very much to ask from your woman of 3 years now is it?

I act like I am a married man when I am around other girls. I don't flirt, and I think any girl could vogue for me. I got past that phase awhile ago and I never look back. I think I want to spend the rest of my life with her, because I can't live without her.

The funny thing is that I wasn't even really that into her when we got together, and she was obsessed with me. It takes me like 3 years, and I finally open my heart and let her in. Shortly after, I get shit on.

Everything happens for a reason though I suppose. Speaking of which, karma bit her in the ass. I watched 3 inconvenient/bad things happen to her within 5 minutes.

She went to hit a bowl, and the ashes sucked through into her mouth

Then the cable went off while she was watching TV and she had to get up to turn it back on (Yeah, I know it's an American problem)

And then the lighter died on her while she was using it.

I was starting to feel like GOD truly hates me, but then I got a few, very small signs that there is somebody out there looking out for me.

As unfortunate as events in my life turn out to be, I really do think I am learning a lesson from everything. Aren't we all though? If your soul really does choose a life before you are born, then I am a fuckin prick to put myself through this shit.

I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself though. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, internet connection, and a highly functioning brain.

That is a lot more than a good portion of the world has.

Anyway, I am going to forgive her, but I am going to be skeptical of everything she says for awhile. Time to put that guard up over my heart for awhile. That's why they always say to never let it down, because you always get hurt.
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